Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
