Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
