I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
