I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
