Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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