sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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