ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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