Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
