Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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