yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
