i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I'm passing your future prison.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
