I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
