I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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