I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
