your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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