it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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