I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
