are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
