mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
