Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
