Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
