well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
