I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
