It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
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