how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
