The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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