Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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