her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
