She said her name was "party"
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I need a beard to bite.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
