and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
