hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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