So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Alive.
So much puke
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
