Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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