there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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