I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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