Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
