She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
