I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
