i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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