He asked me if I "almost moaned"
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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