it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
