Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
jump out the window naked night went bad
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
