I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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