He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize