you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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