If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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