we made out on top of his cat.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
my shit smells like andre
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
