Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
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You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
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You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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