You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
