I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
