don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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