Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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