Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
True college students do jello shots in the library
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
