I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
