I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
You are the jesus of drinking
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
