Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
