He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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