That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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