I think I won the penis lottery.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
These tits shall not be calmed
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
