He is such a slut. More and more my type.
i already hear my dad disowning me
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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