Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
