i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I am in a vortex of obligation.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
