my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
