I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
