I am puke
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
