My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
