a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
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