U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
