my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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