My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
