I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Randomize
