mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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