You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
